The First Christmas in Tweets

By Don Cooper

How would the birth of Jesus have been recorded if Joseph had had access to Twitter? (Okay, this has absolutely nothing to do with sales. On the other hand, Jesus—at the time—was considered a heretic by many. So there’s that. Enjoy!)

josephofnazareth Heading to Bethlehem for the #census. Stupid Romans!
3 days ago

josephofnazareth Long walk. @virginmary keeps complaining about her feet. Told her b4 we left not to wear heels.
2 days ago

josephofnazareth Wish there was a Waffle House around here.
2 days ago

josephofnazareth Old people walking too slowly in the passing lane. There oughta be a law.
1 day ago

josephofnazareth @virginmary needs pickles. Again.
1 day ago

josephofnazareth Anybody planning a #tweetup in #Bethlehem?
16 hours ago

josephofnazareth Inn doesn’t have our reservation. Aagh!
12 hours ago

josephofnazareth Never booking online again. Next time using a travel agent.
12 hours ago

josephofnazareth Every hotel fully booked. Its like spring break around here. w/o all the hot chicks. Not sure where we’re gonna stay.
11 hours ago

josephofnazareth Help us out Tweeps! Anybody know a place we can crash?
11 hours ago

josephofnazareth Looks like it’s the manger for us.   ;-(
9 hours ago

josephofnazareth Woman in stable next door just gave birth to a boy named Brian.
8 hours ago

josephofnazareth You know what would spruce this place up? A tree w/ some lights & stuff on it.
7 hours ago

josephofnazareth @virginmary’s going into labor!
6 hours ago

josephofnazareth I keep telling her to breathe. She keeps screaming at me to get her some painkillers.
4 hours ago

josephofnazareth where’s an ob/gyn when u need one?
2 hours ago

josephofnazareth It’s a boy!
1 hour ago

josephofnazareth Wanted to name him Thelonius, but @virginmary insisted on Jesus.
44 minutes ago

josephofnazareth I could sure go for some chinese food right about now.
39 minutes ago

josephofnazareth What’s with all the shepherds? Is there a convention in town or something?
34 minutes ago

JudeaNewsNetwork Savior born in Bethlehem. Much rejoicing.
1 hour ago
Retweeted by josephofnazareth and 57 others

josephofnazareth Man that star is bright!
31 minutes ago

josephofnazareth 3 guys dropped by w/ gold, frankincense & myrrh. Thx @wisemen!
26 minutes ago

josephofnazareth Frankincense sure helps w/ the smell in the stable. No idea what we’re gonna do w/ the myrrh.
12 minutes ago

josephofnazareth Thx! RT @kingherod: Congrats @josephofnazareth! Can’t wait to meet the little guy!
7 minutes ago

josephofnazareth Some kid’s playing his drum for us. Not bad, but I can only handle so many drum solos.
4 minutes ago

josephofnazareth Thx for the RT’s & #FF’s! @matthew @mark @luke @john
1 minute ago

josephofnazareth Wonder if we can return the myrrh w/o a receipt?
30 seconds ago